Row, Row, Row Your Boat...

And So It Goes... 

Dear Hearts and Innocent Bystanders...

Those U-turning Wackos are off on another globe trotting adventure, this time to celebrate their 

30th Anniversary.  

[Yeah... she's put up with his antics THAT long!]

But First... A Quick{?} Wrap up of Dis and Dat since you last came this way.

• NOWAT CARIB 2014 was a blast with their new found friends MD-NK-M&M {check NOWAT-CARIB 1ST PORT – GRAND TURK ISLAND to refresh yourselves as to who they are} they all still keep in touch and may cruise together again to celebrate  M's {of MD not M&M} 50th B-Day.

• 2014-15 were a whirlwind of homework and after school projects, sleepovers, etc. with the Grandsons while Cristina was in Nursing School for her RN Degree, which netted a job with Memorial Regional Hospital in Hollywood 30 days out of school! YEA!!! Now she starts cramming for her Bachelors Degree {Wellllll... maybe in a year or so.}

• 2015 Saw the first ever MONTALVO Family Reunion in the Smokey Mountains bringing together 4 generations of our favorite Family from La Habana, CUBA,  {some of whom have never met} on a mountaintop in North Carolina for 3 days of family fun and bonding. Everyone had a BLAST, even those that got lost on the mountain {several times... but that's a whole other story}

• Also in 2015 Chucky got roped into planning and executing his 55th High School Reunion, {due to a shortage on the committee of weary souls who truly wished they were somewhere else}. Another story for another time, but it was a raving success.

• And lastly, 2015 saw the headcount at Casa d'Chaos go back up to 3 as #1 Son Henry returned to "The Refuge" to study for his CDL License and then sign up with Armallini Transport to haul flowers to California and back {Yeah... he be Truckin' - 12 days at a time}

And that's all there is about that.

SO NOW... 

You may recall that, for their 25th anniversary, The Wacky American Tourist and Ever-Lovely Illy spent 2 weeks Rambling Around Tuscany munching Sharp Cheese and Crusty Breads while Sippin' some "mighty fine wine".

And as much as they love returning to Italy as often as possible, this time it's a 

"Bucket List" Multi-Country 

Jaunt through Europe!

{Cue The Music} 

Soooooo... come June 11, an overnight flight starts them off with a 4 day race through PARIS, then hopping a train through three countries to bike around AMSTERDAM for a couple of days, then {as the title of this post alludes} board a Viking Longship [riverboat] for an 8 day "Up a Lazy River" cruise or in this case Up the RHINE to BASEL Switzerland. Along the way they'll explore some interesting countryside, forests, castles, rocks, ruins 'n' temples, then hop another train to ZURICH...  

{Pant, Pant.. Huff, Wheeeze...} 

OK, catch your breath then we'll continue...

and, finally jetting back to the Good Ole USofA on the 25th.

All in a sparse 14 days, not counting the overnight flight to Paris. Unless, at the last minute {of course} they decide to take a train through the Alps to fly out of Milan. {She DOES LOVE Milan - its all about the Shoes ya know}
Whew... now I'M outta breath.

The usual ***NOWAT ALERTS*** will go out as this one did via email, although Dragon Chic suggested using Facebook or texting this time until Chucky reminded her that a significant portion of our bleary eyed yet loyal followers have barely mastered email and many still don't FACEBOOK. {Uncle Chuck included}.
And of course you know that last exchange resulted in one of THOSE looks as she grudgingly agreed that at least everyone still "email's" and can follow a hyperlink to the latest blog posting... we hope.

OK Now... stay glued to your desktops / laptops, iPads, Smart/or/Dumb Phones or WHATEVAH... for the next blast from that long winded wacko and the Ever-Lovely Dragon Lady, as he meticulously plans {that's his story and he's sticking to it} what is shaping up to be another, "soon to be" fabled saga in their search for:

Mona Lisa's 'n' Tour Eiffel's

Windmills 'n' Wooden Klompen

Bratwurst 'n' Bierstube's 

Brownbrot 'n' Saurbraten

Midieval Villages 'n' Black Forests

and a fine bottle of crisp Reisling

Or sumpn' like dat...

Ciao Pour L'Instant,

{dust off your French Dictionaries}

Uncle Chuck & The Rolling her eyes at him already,

Dragon Lady

So here it is...

As with previous NOWAT, after his usual "meticulous" research, [seriously, he spends Waaayyy too much time on minutiae], what follows is the “approximate” game plan as it currently exists - a lot is still up in the air. Of course with these two u-turning wackos, all is subject to change at the drop of a crusty baguette.  
And of course all Blue Links will take you to basic info or trivia - when you're done there, just hit your browser back button to return here.

Ok Francis... One-More-Time: {cue Sinatra} 

SUNDAY

• Saturday night’s Air France Flight 99 finds Paris Sunday morning
  where we'll navigate Trains & Metro to our headquarters for 4 days, a cute {we hope} 15th Arrondissement AirBnB flat [with terrace] on Rue de L'eglise. We'll Settle in and then:  

• Hook up with Rod & Juanita [more on this wonderful surprise later] to:
• Wander around, maybe take a Bateaux Mouches [riverboat] around the Seine to see "Le Tour Eiffel" Shimmer at Sunset.
• Find a "Que Cute" spot [pronounced "Kay Cute"... as in: "How Cute is That?!?" - it's a Cuban Thing, deal with it] for dinner.
• Crawl back to the flat - Crash from jet lag.

MONDAY

• 9AM WegoWalking tour of Paris, a 2.5+ hour walk around all the usual "Touristy things" in Paris Central, "Free" except for a tip at the end. [a 5 Star-TripAdvisor referral]
• Lunch somewhere “Que Cute”.
• Climb 706 steps to the 2nd floor of Le Tour Eiffel  [get your tickets onlineto beat the looonngg queues] 

"HOW MANY STEPS?" 

She shrieked...

or maybe we'll take the lift.

• More wandering around - maybe another Seine cruise, or perhaps a HoHo [hop on/hop off] bus.
• Dinner at Le Coup Chou  [from a 5 Star TripAdvisor referral and a Rick Steves' interview of a Parisian] SERIOUSLY Que Cute.
• More wandering around - to duplicate Woody Allen's "Midnight in Paris"
• Crash from too much wandering around.

TUESDAY

• Early train to spend most of the day at Chateau Versailles [again online tickets are a must we were told - did I mention the looonngg lines for tickets at all Paris attractions?]
• Quick dinner near Gare du Nord before farewells to Rod and Juanita [yeah…I'll get to them soon]
• More Midnight in Paris jaunts before crashing from too much jaunting.

WEDNESDAY

• Lazy morning, maybe more wandering until…11AM Queue up for Le Louvre [yep, tickets online with advice about "Secret Entrances"... we'll see about that]
• Finish whatever we didn’t do on the WegoWalking Guides suggestion list.
• Find another "Que Cute" for dinner [or just leisure snack on the "Terrace"  at the apartment while packing for:

THURSDAY

• 8AM Depending on how he feels either Lug it all via Metro to Gare du Nord Station for our 10AM train to Amsterdam.  Or maybe an UBER.

• 2PM lug it all from A’dam Central Station to our 2 room "With Bath" AirBnB for 2 days on "Hentje Hoeksteeg" in A'dam.
• Canal Cruise or HoHo bus/boat and dinner somewhere [yeah… "Que Cute" - Hey, it’s the Dragon Chick therefore everything's  "GOTTA" be “Que Cute” = "Q C"]

FRIDAY

• Walking tour With "THAT DAM GUIDE" [another TripAdvisor 5 Star thing] to see the sights and get the inside scoop on what next.
• Lunch [“Q C”]
• More Wandering around before “Q C” Dinner then maybe tour the Redlight District or not… before crashing.

 SATURDAY

• Early Laundry [we only pack for 7-8 days] before the Lug to the Viking Docks to stow the “Luggage” on the Viking TIALFI. Grab lunch on-board before heading out for a farewell jaunt about A’dam till departure around 11PM.  Maybe dinner "Q C" or maybe on the boat.

THE CRUISE

What follows is the general itinerary of the cruise, as published by Viking in our "Travel Documents" with info links for each stop.

RIVERCRUISE 2016 MAP

SUNDAY -        Kinderdijk, Netherlands

MONDAY -       Cologne, Germany

TUESDAY -      Koblenz, Germany

                      Rudesheim, Germany

WEDNESDAY - Heidelberg, Germany

                      Speyer, Germany

THURSDAY -    Strasbourg, France

FRIDAY -         Breisach, Germany

SATURDAY –    Basel, Switzerland

Unlike past adventures where we booked most of our non-cruise excursions on our own, the nature of this cruise and the included “Stuff" was such that we elected to book additional excursions offered by Viking. 

We'll cover each stop's particular excursions in the day's post with “Viking's” brief outline of the what’s expected, followed {of course} by Our REAL [and probably not so brief] Take on it all, along with the usual Trivia, Minutiae and WHATEVAH, perhaps with pictures. Or we just might upload pics directly to the PicasaWeb Album for expediency. Time and the Internet connection will probably dictate that.

That’s about it for this post… 

Oooopppssss, I almost forgot to explain about Rod & Juanita…

Naawwaw… I'll save it for the next post… 

Ciao Pour L’instant,

Uncle Chuck  & The planning the “MALL" Excursions

Dragon Lady

#DRAGONLADY-LUVS-DSW

OK…OK… don’t act so surprised, ya KNOW sooner or later it was gonna come down to SHOES. 
{Besides, the cute little DSW Manger begged us to "#TAG DSW" to make her look good for the corporate office - thus the title of this post}

Alright… here’s how it went, seriously.

So last Saturday, on the way to "dinner and a movie", she says:

Wait for it… 

WAIT…

“Let’s stop by #DSW, I need to find a replacement for my ‘Everyday... Hole-in-Toe–Skeechers’… 
and maybe something to wear to dinner on the boat… 
and perhaps something for walking around Paris,  
Oh… and maybe something for... 
{Fill in the blank}”

Un-hunh Dear Hearts and Innocent bystanders, it was time for the perfunctory Pre-trip - trip to #DSW.
  

Yeah...it really IS all-about-the-shoes!

Now as most of you will recall, this ritual pre-trip #DSW excursion usually winds up with a net ZERO for Dragon Chic and a big score for Chucky.  Brace yourselves… a new record is about to be set.

Soooo... as we walk into #DSW, {Ok Melanie, that should be enough #'s} the BIG New display at the front door catches her eye and B-A-D-A BING! 
She scores a pair, err uh… two pair… wait.. no three pair of flats that are sooooo “Que Cute” [deal with it… this seems to be the theme of this NOWAT].

Now to be honest… 1 pair went back while she then wore the left shoe of one style - and the right of another around the store while - 
“just lookin’ ovah here’...
[for who knows what] which must be the latest Dragon Lady shoe selection strategy because, HEY, it worked and within 30 minutes she has scored 2… count ‘em… 2 pairs of shoes!  
Oh and it didn’t stop there, Oh No Dear hearts...this went on for 1.5 hours!  Left shoe, right shoe... Nope -  NEXT...

“Oh "Que Cute”... and wait… how about that…[more left foot, right foot wandering around the store until…] 
ZOWIE!!! DL has scored 3 pairs of Shoes ON THE FIRST TRIP!!!! 

And of course, NOW her mission is to ensure a certain other legendary streak remains unbroken, OH Yes… she must now chide Chucky into looking for something to keep his streak alive. And of course, now HE has to do the left foot, right foot - roam about the store thing 
[she actually made him walk from one end of the store to the other in this fashion]
to decide “Florshiem or Margaritaville” {yeah, Jimmy Buffet now has a shoe line} – size 9.5 or 10 
[ladies, you ALL know about different brand - different fit, right?] and yes… Chucky’s streak remains intact, New Florshiem deck shoes for the trip!
AND... she has Coupons!  
Can this Chick shop or what?!?

But sadly... still no replacement for her Everyday -Hole-in-the-Toe - Skeechers.
Oh well...

Now its time to head to the Mall,
no... Shopping is done [or so he thinks]. 
Time for a not so brief stop at Rosalia's - our favorite Italian spot [don't laugh - it may be in a mall but read his review on TripAdvisor]

Then a stroll around to walk off some of the Pasta and Wine before the movie, when... 
Wait for it... 
WAIT...
SHE spots the CROCS store...
"Just wanna look around",
and dontchaknowit... SHE SCORES her "New" EveryDay WHATEVAH's. Go Figure!

So to sum up the Great Shoe Search... Dragon Lady 4, Chucky 1 and all is right in her world.

I'm already dizzy after re-reading this so well pick up more Pre-Trip in the next post {Please Lord... enough with the shoes!}

Oh Damn... I forgot we needed to discuss Rod & Juanita.  
They'll just have to wait till next time... 
gotta keep your curiosity peaked, ya know.

Ciao PourL’instant,
Uncle Chuck & The Queen of “Shoe Search”

Dragon Lady

PROLOGUE

OR 

#10,000 OF THEIR CLOSE FRIENDS

But… first…

ROD & JUANITA

a minor digression explains it all.

Most of you know that Uncle Chuck enjoyed a long, successful career in Hospitality. What some don't know is that while he was Director of Catering at the Sheraton River House in Miami, several talented young lions passed through his Catering Management portion of a property wide Food & Beverage training program. Some so talented that they graduated directly from this segment to a Catering Management position at other company properties. They became known as "The God-Sons."

In those days Chuck’s White Ties – the only color tie he ever wore - had become a symbol of Excellence in Hospitality. So much so that one of the most talented God-Sons, Roderick A. Westmaas, requested his own White Tie as a “Diploma” before moving on to several Prestigious Catering and Food & Beverage positions in the USA and UK; 
 A Tradition was born. 

To date many River House F&B Trainees, among them 4 God-Sons, have become respected leaders in the Hospitality Industry, with at least 2 ties being passed on, continuing the tradition.

Chuck is also God-Father to Rod’s oldest son Orrin, a popular "Alternative Rock" musician in Miami.

Ok, so… Rod now resides in London, married to the lovely Dr. Juanita Cox Westmaas a respected Guyanese poet, writer and academic. 
Upon learning that Chuck would be just a "Chunnel" away in Paris, he was eager to reunite with his mentor and introduce him to Juanita.
And that, Dear Hearts is the "Wonderful Surprise" noted in a previous post.

Alright… now about their:

#10,000 CLOSE FRIENDS

The Rhine RiverCruise was originally planned for October, to take advantage of the cooler change of seasons and avoid the crowds. Extra time in Paris and Amsterdam was added to enhance the trip. 
But… as with all their best laid plans, a U-Turn occurred {and they haven't even left yet!} and the trip was changed to mid-June. 
{Yes... Mr. Sinatra... 
"In-the-Summer-When-it-Sizzles"  Thanks a lot Frank!}

AND... [of course] not being a FUTBOL Fan, Chucky had no idea that the UEFA Euro 2016 FUTBOL CUP was scheduled to take place in Paris from: 

10 June to 10 July 

putting them right in the middle of the daily crush of 10,000 FUTBOL Fanatics, in and around the prime tourist spots in Paris.

And dontcha just know… the designated FAN ZONE for Euro 2016 with Big Screens, Food Tents and all is… 

{Wait for it...}

Champs de Mars [that Gi-normous green-space at the foot of le Tour Eiffel] where, due to recent terrorist activity in Europe, enhanced security [but of course] will be in force.

Yup... we JUST learned of this not so Scintillating-Soul-Sapping-Scoop in a US State Department Smart Traveler Advisory at the same time our WEGOWalking Guide alerted us to a relocation of the tour's conclusion - which originally was to be...

You guessed it: 
Champs de Mars 

So much for avoiding the crowds and an easy visit to Tour Eiffel!

Our WEGO guide has, offered to point out some alternative entry points and hints to avoid some of the drama. 
Un-Hunh...
Fingers crossed, chanting a Tibetan Good Fortune Mantra… Ooohhhooooommmmm...

Next up, we may or may not "amuse" you with a peak into the daunting process of getting a Global Entry Pass to beat the long "out-gong" TSA screening and often clogged "Incoming" Customs lines.

'nuff 4 now… 

Ciao Pour L’instant,

Uncle Chuck & The prepping to Pack,

Dragon Lady

UP THE SEINE WITHOUT A PADDLE

OR

#NOAH WHEREFORE ART THOU!?!

This trip is starting to appear jinxed before it even starts what with changes from Fall to Summer and 10,000 of our closest, most intimate FUTBOL Fanatic friends joining our sojourn in Paris, and it now seems as if we'll need to pack Fishing Waders.

I’m sure that most of you have not been following the weather in Europe.  It’s been bad enough in Middle America.

However, those of us traveling EAST in a week are watching European Forecasts, and thanks to State Department advisories, we are now aware of the “Flooding in Paris”

W.T.F.?!? 

The Seine was expected to crest at 21.4 feet above norm Friday, overflowing the banks and affecting the Metro stops we need to use coming and going, while authorities closed the Louvre and Orsay Museums to move artwork to higher floors. 

And… to add to the Tumult, there are numerous strikes affecting the Metro, Planes, Trains and WHATEVAH - The French are notorious for striking at the drop of a beret. 

Soooo… getting from the airport to our flat in the 15^th Arr. is already on Plan C, while plans D-E & F are being formulated. And... most other sorties will be hampered by Metro outages, Rain, Strikes, Floods, FUTBOL Fanatics, Famine and Locusts... 
OK, we made up the last two. [we hope]

On a Lighter Note, our WEGO Guide assures us that the floods will not affect our walking tour, He says, “If we don’t mind wearing hip high rain boots… Just kidding!”  All should be OK, Parisian authorities expect the river to start receding by Saturday and be fine by the time we get there.  
Tell that to the French Weather Ladies who predict more rain all week. 

Oh $#!%&^*@ 

Dragon Chick - as we speak - is on the internet researching where to buy rain-boots in Paris and/or if she has to pack some… seriously. 

Hey… we missed the “Aqua Alta” in Venice so I guess the Travel Gremlins are just trying to keep us on out toes.
I sense another #DSW run in the making. [You're welcome - again - Melanie at #DSW!]

Now... About that peek into the TSA PreCheck & Customs and Boarder Protection’s Global Entry Programs.

Unless you’ve been in a coma lately, and with the current political climate you might want to go back there until December - the TSA screening delays have been all over the news lately.  The vision of long lines and missing the flight to Paris had Chucky stressing until a frequent flying friend said “Chill Chuck” and apply for TSA PreCheck for $85 to bypass the lines [most of the time].  Then he learned about the Customs & Boarder Protections Global Entry Program for $100 that covered both PreCheck and Expedited re-entry through customs and found their Global Online Enrollment System  GOES  website.  Both programs are good for 5 years, then you have to re-apply.  
Intending to get as much international travel done before He Can’t LUG anymore… and with the 2013 re-entry from Cuba taking over 2.5 hours to process customs, we decided it was worth it.

Here’s how it goes.

First you create an account on the CBP GOES website, login, complete a VERY detailed application, pay your $100 fee and wait.  It usually takes about 2 weeks and you have to log on frequently to check for Acceptance, they don’t send out notices.

Once “Conditionally Approved” you make an appointment for an interview at an “Enrollment Center” or CBP location within 30 days. And if the Travel Gods Smile upon you, you're issued a Global Entry Card – good for practically nothing – you still need your passport to get in and out of the country, but if the re-entry Kiosks are not working you can use it to get to the head of the line.

Chucky’s approval came in 15 days and hers the next day. The Ft Lauderdale enrollment center at Port Everglades was booked up until August [NOT GOOD] but Checking MIA they had a plethora of time slots starting Jun 3^rd and we got appointments together.

In spite of the ominous concerns spread on the internet about daunting interviews where they take photos, fingerprints, frown sternly at their computer, then back at you… then back to computer, then back to you… OK, you get it [this must be a Universal Bureaucratic Intimidation technique] we were in and out of MIA in under 30 minutes, from parking to exiting the CBP office.  Just make sure your application is 100% correct and you remember your answers, or there will be a lot of back and forth computer to you frowns and maybe a rejection.

Okee Doakee, ‘nuff for what was supposed to be a short ***EXTRA**

Hey… it’s Chucky, you know better than to expect Short.

Ciao Pour L’instant,

Uncle Chuck & The Rain-Boot searching

Dragon Lady

LA GRÈVE! W.T.F.!!!!

Or

The French National Pastime - and it's NOT FUTBOL!

And Today’s earlier bit of DRAMA.

As I often say… you can’t make this $#!T UP?!?

But FIRST- La GRÈVE!
While making my daily check to see if our Aisle and Window Seats still have an empty seat in between on our Air France Flight 99 to Paris…we get this notice from Air France…

AIR FRANCE PILOT STRIKE ANNOUNCEMENT

A call for strike action has been issued by several airline pilot unions, 
for the period from

11 to 14 June 2016.

W.T.F.!!!!!!!!!!!

No… Double W.T.F.!!!!!!

WE ARE SET TO FLY OUT OF MIAMI …

Wait for it…

11 JUNE !!!

Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned a Jinxed Trip in the last post because the Trip Gremlins are surely fast at work to add to the DRAMA of this sojourn.

Now the good news [Maybe], Viking Air Department {who we paid an extra $50 each just to talk to them directly} answered after a 20 minute hold to advise that they have a team working on it and they will get us to Paris, one way or another. And of course, I've already looked at other flights {multi stop included] and they are rapidly filling up with seats scattered all over.

Oh Joy.

The Last post alluded to the French Penchant for striking at the drop of a beret and it seems they are most prone to do it at the height of tourist season.

I'll sit back till tomorrow to see what Viking Air has gotten done before I start to stress.

Who is he kidding… the stress level has already reached Stiff Neck, twitching eye lid, tight chest levels already.

But Before he stumbles off to the Liquor Cabinet, this bit of chaos earlier today.

The Great Pre-Trip Toilet Crisis.

Yeah, there’s no end to the Drama preceding the start of one of these Wacko’s adventures, 

Seriously...you CANT make this $#!T up.

By now, practically everyone on the planet has heard one rendition or another of the 30 day Casa d’ Chaos Major Renovation of 2010. This included a new porcelain tile floor laid on top of the old tile for reasons too long to go into now.  
Due to the double floor depth this created, the toilets in both bathrooms required a special drain extension. It also required a special sized wax ring seal, which for reasons unknown to all but the Tile Guy, did not get used in the master bath.  We know this because while were trying to get ready for the trip and to add more stress to her world - a small trickling leak started from under the bowl.  Fortunately a neighbor is a plumber and when he pulled the commode, we found the wax ring split, he says because it was the wrong size. Why this took so long to start leaking is anybody’s guess, but she is now happy that there is no longer an Icky Trickle at her feet. Eewwwww!

That's it... I gotta go find some Scotch.

Ciao Pour L’instant,

Uncle Chuck & The NOT HAPPY AT ALL

Dragon Lady

A-N-T-I-C-I-P-A-T-I-O-N!!!

OR

Tossin’ ‘n’ Turnin’ ‘n’ Stressin’…

“Did they call?”

“Nope.”

“Weren’t they supposta' call today?”

“Yup.”

“So… when are they gonna call?”

“Dunno.”

“But…But… What do we do now?”

"We Wait."

"But...But...But..."

"Hey, your motor's running-'But-But'... 

Look, It’s 7:30AM EST, they open at 9AM EST - If they don’t call by 10,

I'll reach out.”

“OH… OK.”

This, bit of the dialogue occurred after a night of Tossin’ and Turnin’, Stressin’ and Sweatin’ over the flight situation reported in the last post, which included restless fits about high water, Crowded Eiffel's, getting to the airport late, forgotten passports and whatever other nightmare you can imagine.

After hearing Air France pilots were striking on our departure date, Chucky spent half the night researching any flight possible, only to find that nonstop flights were near impossible and seats on everything else were scattered at best due to the short booking time.  This resulted in last night’s stress and this morning's dialogue above.

Finally by 10AM, she won’t let it go until he calls Viking Air Department.  After waiting on hold for 25 minutes we finally reach the delightful and VERY patient Gwynn who confirms Air France has authorized "no-charge" changes as long as they were in the Delta, KLM, Air France alliance.  This of course negates all his late night research involving non-alliance carriers with direct flights like American Airlines, XL France, Iberia, etc. 
So now the Seriously Patient Gwynn held his hand for 45 minutes going through all the flight combinations to find one that had the least in-flight time, fewest connections and right seating.  

Although she couldn’t guarantee seats until ticketing, he could select seats later, {but of course the “Cheap Seats” were already booked due to the close departure dates} so he had to pay extra for the ones he wanted – BUT… all is right {almost} in the Dragon Lady’s world. 

Of course connecting in Atlanta reinforced the decision to CARRY ON everything because according to several pundits, connecting in Atlanta statistically increases your chances of landing in Paris with your bags landing in Milwaukee.

The good news - we fly out of Ft Lauderdale instead of trucking to Miami – the not so good news – we land 3 hours later because of the connection.  Oh Welllllll.

And… the transportation worker’s strikes in France are even more eminent which may affect not only getting to the Airbnb flat from the airport but their train trip to Amsterdam… time will tell and so will he.  

Oh and the Sanitation Unions are on strike and reports of trash stacking up all over Paris has us anticipating a very odoriferous visit to the City of Lights... and smells. 

Trying to keep the Pre-trip diatribes short, well pick up later with the Packing Ballet Drama… and you know there WILL BE DRAMA.

Ciao Pour L’instant,  

Uncle Chuck & The breathing easier,

Dragon Lady

TICKET SNAFU! OH YEAH!!

OR

Ticket…ticket…Who’s Got My Ticket – 

Cha-Cha-Cha.

The Departure drama has already started and 

We haven’t had the Packing Ballet Yet  

I just hate it when things get out of order.  

Grab a cold one and Sit back... this ain't gonna be short.

I swear...YOU CANT MAKE THIS $#!T UP!!

Here's how it went.

Maker of all reservations and dutiful Hubby that he is, Chucky promptly began the online check-in process at the appointed - 24 hours in advance with the DELTA APP on his phone.  He got HIS boarding pass on HIS phone but was having issues getting hers too.  In the past [with other airlines] he was able to get both their boarding passes on his phone.  DELTA on the other hand is a different deal.  So, he gets HER phone and starts the process all over and gets as far as…

We are unable to check you in online, you will need to do so at the airport.

He knows this ain't right and tries again, this time on his laptop and now he gets:

We're sorry. 

We can't validate your ticket.

Please contact your local

reservation office for help.

W.T.F ?!?!?!?

Panic Sweats and trembling hands notwithstanding and after 15 minutes on hold in the Delta Call queue, the Lovely Lucky gets on the line and does the clickety-click-click/typety-type-type stuff and says “just a moment and let me get my supervisor, something strange here, it shows a special request, no.. wait…it shows no ticket Wait...No… uh please hold."

And goes away.

3 minutes later here’s what Chucky’s told:

When Viking "Air Plus" [remember he had to pay extra to deal direct with them] made the changes from Air France to Delta, they did the proper "exchange thingy" on Chucky’s ticket but somehow…not on DL’s.

AND... if we had waited to do so at the airport tomorrow, the Dragon Lady would be waving ta-ta to Chucky as he jetted off to Paris by way of Atlanta - while calling someone to come take her and her overstuffed bag home. 
{well not over stuffed... YET}

W T F!!!!!

Now remember, Chucky had already gone online 2 days ago and paid for special seats, and Lovely Lucky can see the seats and an actual ticket number that doesn’t work.  And there is nothing she can do.  Chucky has to call Viking {who is the "Booking" agent} to get it sorted out and have THEM do the RIGHT "exchange thingy" on her ticket.

Well now, getting through to the Viking "Air Plus" department at 8PM on a Friday is like Root Canal - you know it’s necessary but there’s gonna be pain.

Soooo... after a 15 minute hold at Viking [not so "Air Plus"] the not so perky Elizabeth [you can tell in her voice it's Friday and close to "Quitin' time"] comes on and does the click-click-click/type-type-type stuff and says, 
“but she has a ticket… I can see It right here.”

"No, She Does Not" 
says Chucky

"Yes She does", 
says the now REALLY not so perky Elizabeth."

“No, he calmly says [and anyone who knows Chucky well, knows that when he starts to talk very softly, and very slowly, it ain't gonna be good for whoever is on the receiving end]

“Apparently... when... the... Delightful... Gwynn... made.... the... "Exchange Thingy" from... Air... France... to... Delta, 

SHE… D I D… i t… on… MY… t i c k e t… BUT… N O T… o n... MY WIFE’S ticket! 

P l e a s e…c h e c k… AGAIN!”

“Please Hold Sir.”

5 minutes later...

"Ok we think we see what happened. But the lady who has to make the change is on another call. When she's free, I'll call you with the new ticket number and you can call Delta back and they will have all the right "Exchange Thingies in their system."

Ok, now all this time he's been on hold with Delta playing scratchy music in his ear, waiting to be caller #27.  When he finally [45 minutes in queue] gets Rodney of the Thick accent and explains the situation, to which Rodney says...

Wait for it... 

"No... its YOUR ticket that has a problem, your Wife's is fine."

WTF!! no... DOUBLE W-T-F!!!!

A back and forth ensues and Rodney, of the ever-thickening Accent, finally convinces Chuck that Viking has now bollixed up HIS ticket in trying to "Fix the Exchange Thingy" and Chucky needs to call them back to re-fix it... AGAIN!

OK he decides... He'll wait for Not So Perky Elizabeth to call back, [you know he won't wait at this stage] and she is calling in while he is in the call queue at Viking [not so] "Air Plus". 

"OK, I have a new ticket number for you..."

"NO you Don't. I just got off the phone with Delta and they said NOW someone messed up MY ticket but The Dragon Lady's is now right."

"The Dragon Who?"

"Never Mind... 

My Wife's Ticket - Now Right! 

My Ticket - Now Wrong!"

"Cant Be" she says, "I have both new ticket numbers right here, maybe it didn't refresh in their system yet."

More, Soft, Calm, Slowly spoken dialogue and she finally says, 

"I'll call Delta, please hold."

We'll by now Chucky already has a call back scheduled from Delta just in case this happened.  
So now she comes back on and says while she was in the Delta call queue, she tried to check us in online but... before she screws that up too, she asks Chucky to try on his computer. So... He did.

Same $#!T, No Valid Ticket.

Just then, Chucky gets Delta's call back in his other ear - [Liz is still in Delta's call queue.] 

Cheerfully Articulate Ricardo [no accent] hears the whole story "One More Time"...

"Please Hold", but doesn't go away, rather we hear...

"Hmmm" 
clickety-click/typety-type,  

"OK... seems like a special request is holding it up... no... uh No... 
OK, I think I see what's goin' on... 
Please Hold."

But is back in a flash [Liz has hung up from the call queue and is now listening to all this on Chucky's speakerphone] 

"Go ahead and try to check in online", 
says Cheery Ricardo [still no accent].

Chucky does so on his cell phone... 

IT WORKS 
- he now has a new boarding pass... 
AND with the TSA Precheck logo in the upper corner. Yahooooo!

He now grabs DL's phone and checks her in too and... 

ALL IS NOW RIGHT IN THEIR WORLD... 

Wheeeewwwww!

"Thank you Ricardo, Thank you Liz" - and 

"Thank you Mrs Calabash... 

Where-Evah you are." 

[only the old timers will get that one]

Well Dear Hearts and Innocent Bystander, 'nuff for today, the Packing Ballet is about to start and he's already headed for the Scotch...

More Tomorrow... or maybe later tonight, ya never know...

Ciao Pour L’instant,

Uncle Chuck & The Happy she's Still Going to Paris

Dragon Lady